March 29, 2013

Why Austin?

OK, so the North Koreans, as part of their perpetual saber rattling have released a picture of Kim El Porker and his junta sidekicks studiously planing a strike on the US with missile trajectories mapped out on the wall behind him. 

First off those are not the most efficient or realistic courses for a missile. It looks like someone drew them without taking into account the Mercator distortion. In actuality, a ballistic tragectory from North Korea would, on a Mercator plot appear to arc north. It would pass over Alaska and possibly the arctic circle (for the same reason that flying to Japan from the US frequently involves a trip over pack ice).

That aside....The targets are Pearl Harbor, Los Angeles, Washington DC and...ummm...Austin.




WHY WOULD YOU WASTE ONE OF YOUR 4 NUKES ON AUSTIN?

It's an eclectic and neat town, but depriving the nation of a cool art scene and dinner theater does not seem to have the strategic benefits of, say, wiping out San Diego or the SSBN base near Tacoma.

I see 3 possibilities:

1: It's a cunning ruse, intended to trick us into moving our ABMs to Austin.

2:The Norks, being lefties, just HAETS them some Texans and aimed at the capital, not realizing that Austin is...well...Austin.

3: They are going to use the nuke to mutate the bats, turning them into giant flappy, fire-breathing, blood-sucking horrors that will terrorize the continent and lead to the collapse of the US.

Ubu, Avatar. We need your perspectives on this.

Posted by: The Brickmuppet at 08:17 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 254 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Perhaps they hate the idea of Formula 1 in the US?

Posted by: Wonderduck at Fri Mar 29 20:52:40 2013 (prhS5)

2 As someone who grew up in central ND, and still has kin 'round those parts, it's nice to see someone else's middle-of-nowhere being the target of whacko communists. 

Though "plus or minus one hemisphere" is probably too generous an estimation of their targeting ability, so... not really any change.

Posted by: Mikeski at Sat Mar 30 00:41:49 2013 (DU6Ja)

3 Obviously the result of a low-information targeting plan. Texas is big and important. Obviously since we're just like them except we pretend differently, everything gets centralized in the capital and so obviously Austin is the biggest and most important city in Texas.

Gotta remember that, while early on there may have been a bunch of cynicism involved in the Nork government, it's being run these days by people who grew up under the system, and honestly they just don't know any better anymore.

So how does that explain LA? Probably left over from a previous target map, drawn up by someone with better info and maps back in the day.

Posted by: Avatar_exADV at Sat Mar 30 22:32:09 2013 (GJQTS)

4 I like the theory that Samsung's largest processor manufacturing facility is located in Austin.

Posted by: Ben at Mon Apr 1 18:43:44 2013 (/Mdmg)

5 There's three different chip fabs in Austin, along with the headquarters of National Instruments, which builds automation equipment.

Posted by: Phil Fraering at Sat Apr 13 09:05:28 2013 (6XWba)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Comments are disabled. Post is locked.
26kb generated in CPU 0.02, elapsed 0.0229 seconds.
66 queries taking 0.0114 seconds, 268 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.