April 28, 2017

It was a Dark and Stormy Night

Due to severe weather delays, we were overstaffed at work this morning. As a result, I got off way early and about 5:30, as I was driving home, a lightning bolt struck next to me and showered my van in burning tree parts.


After a moment, I noted that the stricken tree next was next to a neighbors house and was burning with alarming intensity despite the downpour. I got out to see if it could be put out or to help the people get out as this was looking pretty grim.


 
The owner of the house and I tried to put out the fire but neither the rain nor our bucket brigade was having any effect. After an embarrassingly long interval, I had a neuron fire and realized that the tree wasn't burning, the ground was. I advised the gentleman to call the fire department NOW because it could be a peat fire and that could be the end of the whole block. 

But wait...It was quite intense for peat. The ground around it was undulating and hissing...and it kept getting more intense until it was almost like...a blowtorch. 

Oh. Lord. The lightning struck a gas main!



We kept the bucket brigade on it to keep it from igniting the tree or the house until the police arrived and decided to let it burn off the gas until the firetruck arrived, at which point I moved my van to make room for the ladder truck and carried my bedraggled ass home.

Looking at the rain, I really don't think I'm going to get the grass today.

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April 11, 2017

Aaaaaand..They're Off

A bit over a week ago Dad dropped a 4x8 on his foot and broke it. (Well, the breakage was mostly his big toe...Mostly.)

Shortly thereafter, Mom had what we thought was a stroke and went to the hospital only to find that it was a drug interaction. Dad quickly compensated for this good news by lancing his toe to relieve pressure...and the next day it was horribly infected, requiring another trip to the hospital. 

So, it's been hectic here.

Naturally, these two walking wounded decided that these reminders of their mortality meant that now is the time to attempt THAT TRIP again. 

Day before yesterday...they set out.



They'll make a destination decision when they reach Florida, they're either going to Belize, the Bahamas or Puerto Rico. 


I blame Pixar for this madness.

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February 01, 2017

Need to Go to the Parts Store

Art by Sukabu

more...

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January 01, 2017

If I Had A Ronin For Every Year I've Been Around, I'd Be Secure in the Knowledge That I'd Be Avenged When Assasinated

As it is, I find myself pondering the things that I have not done in my time on this earth.




Some of them, I'm OK with.

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October 16, 2016

Trigger Warning: Banality

Yes, banality lurks below the fold. 

As is traditional here, we atone for this by providing an image of some exotic and atypically proportioned young ladies enjoying the last of the good weather as they relax next to the ocean.


Art by Ebimomo
more...

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July 15, 2016

Christmas In July

Her Santa hat brings all the boys to the yard. 


Art by Yamaburo

What is this? Australia? An unreal tsunami of boxes associated with the recent Amazon sale and Independence Day resulted in the sorts of hours we at UPS just don't normally get in July. I haven't been this sore since basic training. Internet connectivity problems and the fact that this was the week of my midterm exam combined with the amazing amounts of overtime to bring about an alarmingly long period of bloggus intteruptus. 

Blogging will resume in earnest shortly. 

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July 01, 2016

My Life As a Disembodied Head (Updated)

There've been....distractions.

As compensation for that and the banality below the fold, here is 15 feet of winsome win.

more...

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June 19, 2016

Well, THAT Was Tedious



My other accounts similarly needed attention, but not nearly as bad. 

I learned two other things this weekend. One is that the vacuum cleaner has a seperate on-off switch on the handle. So if it won't start when one pushes the big on-off switch on the main body, the correct course of action is NOT to take the vacuum apart to see whats wrong with the switch. 

Two of my upcoming courses have been cancelled by the University. I'm within 4 classes of graduation, so this is filling me with emotions that are not appropriate for a gentleman to express.

Fortunately I have in my employ, this imaginary young lady of low virtue, who is not so constrained. 


Not pictured; The expletives.

I'm not sure I'm supposed to do now. 

I'm frankly still in a bit of shock.

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May 20, 2016

I Thought They Came From Eggs

It's the weekend. After an absolutely hellish day at work I just got out of the shower, having washed off all the redbugs and turtle pee.



 

OK. Perhaps that last bit warrants elaboration. 

I got off work an hour late and was walking up to the door when, upon dropping my keys, I bent over to get them and noted something whizz past my head and go "plop"on the porch.

I stood there for a moment slowly processing the fact that something was not right about the the thing that had gone "plop". After a moment, the thing that I did not quite recognize, (but instinctively knew did not belong) sprouted 4 legs and a head and began furtively testing the area.

A turtle had fallen from the sky...and landed on the rubber welcome mat.

What.
The.
Hell?

It was a small mud turtle, not a box turtle or some other type of Testudine that would normally live in a suburban yard, so after determining that he seemed to be uninjured I picked him up and took him to the van, placed the terrified little thing on some paper towels and then drove to a nearby park with a pond. Along the way, the little beast became quite animated precipitating a chase that involved considerable contortions on my part. Eventually. after cunningly luring me under the rear seat, he darted out across the floor of the van with truly astonishing speed, and made a beeline for my bag of Fritos which he deftly entered and buried himself in, no doubt in a spiteful attempt to give me salmonella. Eventually I unfolded myself and got him out of the bag, whereupon he peed like a firehose...as turtles will. 

One thing that has bewildered me since I was a child is how a small turtle can contain so much urine...I swear his bladder must be larger than his shell, which should not be possible, but I guess physics is different for sky turtles. 

Anyway, I took the presumably now dehydrated shellback to the pond, which involved rather more mucking through pine straw and 8 inch deep mud than I had anticipated.

Now, after my shower I have an opportunity to reflect on the implications of these recent events...

Previously, I had thought that these creatures came from eggs, but it is now apparent that turtles are actually invaders from space, which, I suppose makes sense given that they are in the same zoological family as Gamera.

Of course it's tenuously possible that there is another explanation, perhaps one that involves a hawk, but it makes sense to err on the side of caution. 

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April 30, 2016

Egzamz Awlmowst Ovur

Fortunately none were or are spelling exams.


I have to wonder how these gatekeepers of knowledge did on their geography exams.



I have to give a presentation Tuesday and that's it for the semester.

The rest were all over by Monday. I should mention that I got a 100 on my Japanese exam, which, given my considerable trepidation regarding it was a most welcome surprise. 

I'm only three classes from graduation, and to my unbridled joy have been given permission to take two of them during the summer as independent study courses. (They are normally at 8 AM, which means I would not ordinarily be able to take them due to work.)

I find that as tuition increases, I've been experiencing what has at times seemed like the half-life of college. As I  have gone from full-time to part time to half time the rate of decay of the Kafkaesque annoyance known as University slowed and it really seemed at times like it would never end. Now, though, I'm almost there. 

I've got a few weeks before summer school starts. I should, perhaps, take a weekend and go on a trip...


Or...not. 



more...

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