April 27, 2017

Missing The Most Obvious Explanation

A history buff on Reddit asked an art history question, which stumped some historians and led to further research and a number of theories, none of which confront the most reasonable and simple explanation. 



"DAMN the GM! This random encounter table SUCKS!"

Obviously Europe was invaded in the late 13th century by an force of predatory and possibly sentient giant snails that terrorized the local population and were individually a match for even an armored knight.


The Snail of Caerbannog?

As is documented below, these vile beasts would drop on people out of trees. 

"Tree-Snail! TREE-SNAI..."

The historians at the linked article have a number of alternative explanations for the art, none of which are supported by the...you know...actual art which clearly show a number of enormous, deadly...


...cat eating...

...snails terrorizing the people of France and Flanders in the 1290s. Furthermore, none of their explanations, would make nearly as awesome a movie or (gruesome late night anime) as the obvious evidence presented by the medieval artists. 

This is a production that NEEDS to be made. This little known heroic stand against an implacable enemy could be as consequential to the development of western civilization as Charles Martel at Tours. After all, if Europe had been overrun and its inhabitants eaten by giant snails in the 1290's, history would have taken a very different course.

I doubt any serious historian would disagree with that last sentence. 

So we need to find out two things. 

1: How did the people of France and Flanders vanquish these beasts?
2: What filmaker can we get to document this? This little known story has the potential to be an unbelievably awesome period piece with monsters and swordsmen and the eras' handful of early cannon that justify spectacular explosions ! It'll be The Beast the Challenged the World meets the Lion in Winter!


WHY is this not being made?

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April 26, 2017

Possibly the Very Best Story in the History of News.

I initially refrained from posting about this because it just seemed too good to be true.


It now seems to have been verified.

 Three Islamic State jihadis have reportedly been killed by rampaging wild boars near Iraqi farmland.

I remind you that Muslims consider all members of Suidae to be singularly unclean, and while eating them is considered a dreadful sin, being eaten BY them is just the Worst. Possible. Death. for a member of ISIS. 

We should all take a moment from obsessing about out petty worries and reflect upon this development.




'cause mindfulness can be rewarding.

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April 15, 2017

Come for the Beatings, Stay For the Scorpions

I really thought that this story HAD to be a joke.



"Well, snakes would be derivative."

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November 15, 2015

I Suppose One Could, in Good Faith, Quibble Over Whether

...the following embedded video is THE sign of the end times or simply one of many. However, Steven's query has, as I type this, generated 7 responses, none of which definitively answer his question.



I'm going to say yes. 

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January 01, 2015

Epic Has Its Limits

Tonight, by chance, I googled something, which is unusual as I normally use DDG or Bing. I was curious as to why the Google Doodle did not appear to be particularly new-years specific.





Thus, I moved my cursor over it.



The sentiment is appreciated, but..

That's. 
Just.
Creepy.  

Posted by: The Brickmuppet at 02:24 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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December 13, 2014

Why?

It appears that the Treasury Department is equipping its bank inspectors with survival kits.


 The survival kits must come in a fanny-pack or backpack that can fit all of the items, including a 33-piece personal first aid kit with "decongestant tablets,” a variety of bandages, and medicines.

The kits must also include a "reusable solar blanket” 52 by 84 inches long, a 2,400-calorie food bar, "50 water purification tablets,” a "dust mask,” "one-size fits all poncho with hood,” a rechargeable lantern with built-in radio, and an "Air-Aid emergency mask” for protection against airborne viruses.

They are also being delivered to what is described as "every major bank".

So...

What is this in preparation for?


One possible scenario.

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August 24, 2013

Titanic Musical Pig Fixed: Mystery Solved!

Allow me to explain...

When the RMS Titanic sank in 1912, the band played to cheer the spirits of the passengers until the ship slipped beneath the waves. However there was long reported to be a mysterious piece of music that was heard AFTER the ship sank.

It turns out it was a pig.

A toy pig with an internal music box to be precise. It was played after the ship sank to comfort children in the lifeboat and drown out the sound of the people dieing in the water around them.

Well, curators at the museum where the pig resides have fixed it. They made a recording of the tune that wafted across the waves of a frigid Atlantic night 101 years ago.


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April 17, 2013

"...And THAT Miss Crumpler, is Why I Don't Have My Homework."

Just across the river from Brickmuppetburg, a suspicious black backpack left by the side of the road resulted in the Norfolk Bomb Squad bringing out their stalwart bomb disposal  robot today. It courageously blew up the backpack, which was found to contain some charred homework and a can of soup.
Video here of non gory 'splodies.

 "That was...anticlimactic for some reason."

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March 07, 2013

Malignant Jackassery


Over at Colleen Doran's Facebook page it is mentioned that someone is making the claim that they contributed creatively to her book (A Distant Soil ) and have had credit denied them.

No.

Reading this post it is clear to me that I know the person in question. He worked in her mail room. I know this because I worked briefly in the mail room. I know this because he was briefly a business partner of mine and I spent a decade paying off the bills he left me with. I know this because he tried to frame a friend of mine for Kiddie Pr0n. (Read the whole thing.)

As far as I know the only contribution he made to the comic book was applying zipatone (badly), packing boxes, running a table at conventions and a lot of unwelcome drama. He was fired primarily for passing himself off as a creative contributor. This was a highly dishonorable and quite deliberate act. His termination was over a decade ago.

I'm not going to name the fink unless he attempts something else, but as  my friend found out to his dismay, this fellow has a nasty habit of holding grudges and acting on them in a potentially very destructive and always quite passive aggressive manner. He is exceedingly good at passing himself off as harmless and likeable. He is neither.

So let me state that if you've encountered the claim that an affable, seemingly innocent fan is an uncredited contributor to A Distant Soil it is not in any way true and the gentleman's affability is an astoundingly convincing mask concealing a dark dark soul. 


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February 03, 2013

Breitbart.com Blacklisted?

Hmmmmm.....

I got a Malware Alert when trying to visit Breitbart.

UPDATE: Via Instapundit, It was a hack. More here.
more...

Posted by: The Brickmuppet at 09:27 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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