November 18, 2020
On the Wisdom of Grip Safeties
So, one of the trees in the front yard had grown to where it was in the same time and space as my roof.
This was not readily apparent from the ground. However, during the weekend windstorm, I heard it dragging against the roof and after closer inspection realized what was going on.
So I borrowed a polesaw from my brother-in law, got on the ladder, and, after determining both that I wasn't underneath or in the swinging path of the branch, and that said branch would not damage my roof or my car, I started chewing away at it. The polesaw is like a chainsaw greave, and as I cut away at the first, and then second branches, I could not help but imagine how awesome this would be as a polearm in a minimally realistic martial arts film.
At this point in the process, the tree decided that it had had enough and that physics did not apply to it and the branch fell, not directly down, not to the side that I was cutting on, but, as near as I can tell twisted the cut out towards me, swung towards me and swatted me off the ladder. The polesaw made a long arc through the sky before deciding on the ballistic trajectory that would place it on me. I caught a gimps of it just before it impacted. My heart skipped a beat and I now have a much greater appreciation for the final moments of Elric of Melniboné. However, because I was not holding the grip safety, it was not running, thus I was not disemboweled; escaping with some scrapes bruises and a coating of sawdust and dirt.
Nothing of value was lost.
Posted by: The Brickmuppet at
05:44 PM
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