June 23, 2017
Mashed Potatoes
The peculiar physics and myriad uses of Mashed Potatoes have not gotten sufficient attention in recent years. While the pulverized tubers are obviously a valuable source of calories, they have considerable potential in a variety of non-culinary applications. That this substance is useful for making scale models of Devils Tower has been understood for many years, but mashed potatoes can also be used for other artistic expressions as well, such as to create a representation of Kansas in winter on a table cloth, create a very passable facsimile of an iceberg in someone's tea and it has surprising utility as a hair volumizing agent. Its low density allows it to be propelled with surprising velocity by an arm with a reach of less than 9 inches and minimal strength. Despite the obviously low sectional density of spudfluff, the fluid dynamics of mashed potatoes in air is such that the aforementioned arm with a reach<9inches can send measurable quantities a surprising distance...into the dining room, down the hall and into a guest bedroom (this latter seems to have required some sort of bank shot, ballistic analysis is pending). Most remarkably all of this can be achieved in the approximately 3 seconds it takes to turn one's back on one's 11 month old nephew to get something out of a microwave.
I propose a study to examine these properties in greater detail and with attention paid to practical applications thereof. I will require $170,000.00, 450 Idaho potatoes and a trebuchet.
Posted by: The Brickmuppet at
11:48 PM
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1
The Department of Agriculture does have a supply of Idaho potatoes which can be issued for research purposes. However, the Federal government does not have any military-surplus trebuchets available for issuance to grant recipients. If your study requires this equipment, the cost of purchasing/leasing it should have been included in your grant proposal.
For this reason, we must reject your proposal, despite the obvious usefulness of this line of inquiry.
For this reason, we must reject your proposal, despite the obvious usefulness of this line of inquiry.
Posted by: Siergen at Mon Jun 26 10:31:23 2017 (7W7BZ)
2
"Spudfluff" may be my new favorite word.
Posted by: Wonderduck at Wed Jun 28 02:33:45 2017 (vp19W)
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