February 26, 2015
It is STILL Snowing
Tuesday evening it snowed and...iced. In the process of getting out of the car I dropped my keys and foolishly posed the question..."God. What else can go wrong?" Almost instantly my prayers were answered as I suddenly inverted myself and deposited my schoolbooks and cellphone in the briny puddle beneath my car.
Today I got out of work to find seven inches of snow on my car. I note that it is STILL coming down as I type this.
This winter has been unreal on the east coast, while other parts of the country are not having winter at all. To solve this mystery here is one of the Brickmuppet's Crack Team of Science Babes who will explain to you, gentle readers, why this is all Bill DeBlasio's fault...
"Wait. What!?...No I won't."
Fine. I'll do it...
On Groundhog Day 2014, the New York mayor compelled a defenseless groundhog to appear at some inane photo-op. During the course of this event the mayor dropped the animal, and despite a cover-up it has been revealed that it died of its wounds.
This year Punxsutawney Phil came out of his burrow and declared that there would be six additional weeks of winter. As Mr. Phil is a member of the groundhog tribe, and since (according to no less an August source that the Washington Post) he can control the weather, it is obvious that he is exacting revenge on the Northeastern United States by taking all the cold points from the rest of the temperate world and min/maxing the misery in the northeast.
As to why a rodent that can control the weather would not simply strike Mayor DeBlasio down with a lightning bolt, such uncongenial lines of reasoning can be special pleaded away by pointing out that the malignant critical theorist in question is an elected official (of America's Largest City) and therefore the electorate bears some blame in his eyes.
The solution to this unhappy situation is clear: Mayor Deblasio must be hog tied and left outside a groundhog warren for the Groundhog Tribe to do with as they please.
Of course it's possible that this analysis is somehow flawed, but ask yourself....do you want to take the chance that it isn't?.
Besides, even in the unlikely event that this course of action did nothing for the weather, DeBlasio would still be hogtied outside a groundhog warren. I'm seeing no downside here...
Posted by: The Brickmuppet at
01:49 PM
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Every since I was a young child, I have seen animations created which show previous ice ages starting in the arctic, then growing slowly southward. What we are now witnessing is that ice ages actually start on the Eastern coast of North America, then spread westward across the continent over subsequent years.
Posted by: Siergen at Thu Feb 26 13:59:47 2015 (ohSuC)
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