November 21, 2009
My Hat is in the Ring
With the wave of citizen activism sweeping the country in this time of crisis I can no longer sit idle.
I hereby announce my candidacy for the seat in the United States House of Representatives that will represent the unassigned congressional district of the Commonwealth of Virginia.
Among my qualifications:
As I am currently homeless, I am able to meet the strict residency requirements for a congressional district that has not existed since 1935.
My legislative experience is, likewise, nonexistent.
I have no degree at this time.
*I will also work to protect "you" (my constituents) from the existential threat of the Dero who even now conspire against our democracy.
*I oppose listing the Mothman as an endangered species due to the principle that PEOPLES SAFETY MUST TAKE PRIORITY!
*I oppose deportation for the Bat Child as he is a natural born citizen.
*I support composting toilets.
* I support the teaching of the number eleventy in our schools.
THEREFORE
I hereby announce my candidacy for the seat in the United States House of Representatives that will represent the unassigned congressional district of the Commonwealth of Virginia.
Among my qualifications:As I am currently homeless, I am able to meet the strict residency requirements for a congressional district that has not existed since 1935.
My legislative experience is, likewise, nonexistent.
I have no degree at this time.
ON THE ISSUES
*As
your Representative...whoever "YOU" are....I pledge to work tirelessly
to reduce the deficit through budget policies that are flexible...yet
firm....bendable yet straight...and FAIR TO EVERY AMERICAN! *I will also work to protect "you" (my constituents) from the existential threat of the Dero who even now conspire against our democracy.
*I oppose listing the Mothman as an endangered species due to the principle that PEOPLES SAFETY MUST TAKE PRIORITY!
*I oppose deportation for the Bat Child as he is a natural born citizen.
*I support composting toilets.
* I support the teaching of the number eleventy in our schools.
NO ONE IS MORE OBJECTIVELY QUALIFIED TO LEAD NOTHING THAN THE BRICKMUPPET!!
Posted by: The Brickmuppet at
11:06 PM
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