November 21, 2009

My Hat is in the Ring

With the wave of citizen activism sweeping the country in this time of crisis I can no longer sit idle.

THEREFORE

I hereby announce my candidacy for the seat in the United States House of Representatives that will represent the unassigned congressional district of the Commonwealth of Virginia.

Among my qualifications:
As I am currently homeless, I am able to meet the strict  residency requirements for a congressional district that has not existed since 1935.
My legislative experience is, likewise, nonexistent.
I have no degree at this time.

ON THE ISSUES
*As your Representative...whoever "YOU" are....I pledge to work tirelessly to reduce the deficit through budget policies that are flexible...yet firm....bendable yet straight...and FAIR TO EVERY AMERICAN!
*I will also work to protect "you" (my constituents) from the existential threat of the Dero who even now conspire against our democracy.
*I oppose listing the Mothman as an endangered species due to the principle that PEOPLES SAFETY MUST TAKE PRIORITY!
*I oppose deportation for the Bat Child as he is a natural born citizen.
*I support composting toilets.
* I support the teaching of the number eleventy in our schools.



NO ONE IS MORE OBJECTIVELY QUALIFIED TO LEAD NOTHING THAN THE BRICKMUPPET!!

Posted by: The Brickmuppet at 11:06 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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