Yesterday I was hobbling around campus like Quasimodo, because I'd aggravated my old Coast Guard knee injury and I could not find my cane. This morning, I was off from work as I had an 08:30 exam an intended to not be at work during that time and, even better, sleep in. Sadly, as part of my recent policy of screwing up simple tasks, I neglected to set the Alarm back, so at 03:00 horrid, soulless, C-pop techno-whatsit (which is very effective at destroying one's slumber) filled my room, I got up, hit my knee wrong and went down hard.
I slipped again in the shower.
It took me 50 minutes to get dressed and out the door. Not able to find my cane, I grabbed a 7 foot piece of PVC pipe from the garage to act as a walking stick. It took me nearly half an hour to walk the block from my van to the days first exam. I was in so much pain I wretched on the way and when I arrived a half hour late, there was so much sweat pouring off of me and my face was so red that my Japanese instructor asked asked if I needed an ambulance. After reassuring her that the pole was not for beating anybody with, I took my exam....and between flashes of pain, I almost finished it.
I then set about the slow hobble across campus to the student center, unwittingly causing all manner of worry in the process as a 40 something bald guy grunting, red faced, cussing, shaking and fanatically grasping a 7 foot pipe is, on a normal day, one of nature's warning signs.
It turns out that all the student clinic can do is send someone to the hospital. They don't even have an X-ray machine. With another exam, I couldn't do that, lest I end up trapped. So I went home and studied until time for my exam, when I got up and realized that the knee had gotten worse. And then the tunnel was blocked....again, I terrified the local populace with my fearful pipe-wielding visage, as I hobbled at approximately 1mph across the campus to arrive late again. Despite this, I finished the final..um...final.
Finishing the exam, I stopped at the student center for dinner, only to be confronted with the logistical conundrum of carrying one's tray when grasping a PVC pipe...on a really slick, polished tiled floor.
After that visually amusing mishap, I ate, and began the 50 minute trek to walk 2 blocks. I managed to get into the van (somehow) and went to the hospital.
That was 7 pm.
Shortly before midnight, I was discharged with a splint and a work release note. X-rays came back OK so I should be back to work by Monday.
Euthanasia is not advised.
...because in other news, it does not appear right now that I will be expelled, While it did turn out that needed to take at least one other class to reach requirements, there will, in fact, be no need for sudoku.
Sudoku would be bad.
Sorry about the blog outage just now. Was fixing the recent comments and search functions as I've been meaning to for the past three months and I slipped and somehow set the cat on fire.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Thu May 3 10:02:22 2018 (PiXy!)
So, pro tip: keep a spare cane around so you don't end up getting arrested for Suspicious Hobbling.
If this happened to me, I'd have to choose between the waxwood bo staves and the monopods. I'm not sure which would get me in more trouble on a college campus, but I definitely wouldn't get far if I picked the suburi-tō
Posted by: J Greely at Thu May 3 11:46:21 2018 (h8yX6)
+1 on the spare cane. You can get a basic adjustable metal one at any drug store pretty cheap.
Some non-snarky advice (which assumes the cane is new and/or temporary): if you're going to be using it long-term, learn to take it with you from room to room so you don't lose it. Also, like you presumably do with your keys, wallet, etc., decide on places where you're going to keep it: next to your bed, on the right-hand side in your easy chair, etc, etc. Makes it a LOT easier to find it when you lose it.
 from someone who had to train his wife to do this because she kept losing it.
Posted by: Rick C at Thu May 3 11:58:53 2018 (h8yX6)
Also, congrats on not getting expelled.
Posted by: Rick C at Thu May 3 11:59:18 2018 (h8yX6)
Congrats on straightening things out with the school! Just watch them that they don't screw you over on expiring courses again, they seem to like doing that too much.
+1 on keeping spares, though another pro-tip, collapsible walking sticks are inexpensive (~$15-30 on Amazon) and take up a small enough amount of room to easily store in a vehicle. That way, even if you are away from home, you'll have something available.
Posted by: StargazerA5 at Thu May 3 14:34:27 2018 (h8yX6)
Walmart actually has a decent selection of canes, information that came in handy when my mom forgot hers on a recent wine-country tour. We picked up a very nice collapsible model for a decent price.
Posted by: J Greely at Thu May 3 19:04:10 2018 (h8yX6)
If you're going to get a cane, you should go <a href="http://www.swordcane.com/">all in</a>.
Posted by: jabrwok at Fri May 4 07:52:14 2018 (h8yX6)
Hmm. Guess I should've used that "preview" function. Oh well.
Posted by: jabrwok at Fri May 4 07:52:49 2018 (h8yX6)
The problem with sword canes is that they're only useful as a sword if you don't really need a cane. Also, the day will come when you forget about the blade and try to enter a federal building or pass through airport security. I'd rather go old-school
That said, I poked around on their site, and if I were in a state where it was legal to own one, and I didn't have a better use for a thousand bucks, and I were trained to fight with a 17.5" double-edged knife, I'd seriously consider it.
Posted by: J Greely at Fri May 4 09:44:37 2018 (h8yX6)
I am dismayed by your misfortunes, but impressed by your tenacity and good luck!
Get that sheepskin! Beat it like a rug!
Posted by: Suburbanbanshee at Fri May 4 09:53:22 2018 (h8yX6)
Sorry about the blog outage just now.
It was such a good post. I was so happy right up until I hit "post"...
Was fixing the recent comments and search functions as I've been meaning to for the past three months
I slipped and somehow set the cat on fire.
Posted by: The Brickmuppet at Fri May 4 10:26:16 2018 (h8yX6)
My cane turned out to be with my parents in their house in North Carolina. Fortunately I got my sister to drop off the crutches I'd lent her last year.
In other news, I got a 112 on one of my exams. I'm not entirely sure how the math works on that but I'm not going to inquire too closely.
I swear however, that no cats were set on fire during the cram session.
Posted by: The Brickmuppet at Fri May 4 10:37:46 2018 (h8yX6)
You must have at least slightly scorched a small cat to get 112.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Sat May 5 01:09:52 2018 (PiXy!)
J. Greely: "The problem with sword canes is that they're only useful as a sword if you don't really need a cane"
Sometimes just having something can be more important than how well you can use it. Somebody I used to know who was wheelchair bound related a story to me once about how they were wheeling to their car when they became aware they were being followed by a couple of younger people whose demeanor suggested they weren't intending to offer assistance. This fellow wheeled around to face them, calmly removed one of his footrests and held it in his hands while just looking at them. The youths decided to find other prey.
Posted by: StargazerA5 at Sun May 6 19:32:11 2018 (h8yX6)
Oh, I agree that a weapon, any weapon, and the will to use it, is better than the lack of either. I just meant that drawing the (short) sword out of your cane leaves you without a cane, so you've compromised your mobility at exactly the moment you need it most.
(of course, being in California, it's illegal for me to have any sort of weapon that's disguised as a cane, so I'd have to settle for a cane-cane, hence my preference for sturdy hardwood)
Posted by: J Greely at Sun May 6 21:23:44 2018 (h8yX6)
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Posted by: Doved at Mon Sep 10 06:29:27 2018 (4yoYN)
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